Today is Halloween, the one day of the year when you can wear a ridiculous costume in public and not be considered crazy. In case there’s anyone in Cleveland who might still need an outfit for tonight, I’ve put together a Top 10 list of ideas for Indians fans who’ve been procrastinating with their costumes.
10. Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn. The classic: mohawk, sleeveless jersey, dorky glasses.
- 9. Paul Konerko. He’s hit 46 home runs against the Indians in his career, but it feels like 46,000.
- 8. Grady Sizemore‘s doctor. “I’m here to deliver the news…”
- 7. Chris Perez with a microphone. Run away quick—this isn’t going to end well.
- 6. Flo. Oh dear God, not another Progressive commercial…
- 5. Albert Belle: As offered by Vince Guerrieri: “Chase kids in an SUV. Take a bat to the stereo and thermostat at the party. Wear a Tribe jersey and say you’re Albert Belle.”
- 4. The Rocky Colavito Wizard. Put on an Indians cap and some long purple robes and tell everyone you meet that they will never win the World Series again.
- 3. The 1997 World Series. Affix a television to your torso and have it play footage from Game 7 on loop. This one is not for the faint of heart.
- 2. The never-ending losing streak. I’m not exactly sure how you’d pull this off (you’d need some special lighting and a very well-designed costume), but the dark being that haunted Tribe fans’ dreams in August would definitely scare the neighborhood kids.
- 1. Sexy Chief Wahoo. I don’t want to think too hard about how this would work, but I’m sure it would add a whole new dimension of moral offensiveness to the already-racist mascot.
What do you think of these ideas? Anything else we should have included? If you end up using one of these, please send us a picture.