Time to admit a deep dark secret. I am the editor of a Cleveland Indians website. I am a Cleveland die-hard to the core. With all of that said, I am married to a fan of the New York Yankees. How it came to be I’m not 100% sure. I must have done something pretty bad in a past life to deserve such an awful punishment. Admittedly, other than that one major character flaw she’s pretty great. So with that said, for this edition of Opposition Research I decided to ask her a few questions regarding the Yankees and their 2013 season thus far.
Wahoo’s on First: So I’m not sure what’s weirder. The fact that I’m interviewing you or the fact that I emailed you these questions to answer when you are sitting literally five feet away from me. Anyways, the Yankees’ disabled list could put some actual rosters to shame in terms of talent and payroll. Somehow the Yankees are in second place. Do you think getting the likes of Derek Jeter, Mark Teixeira, and Alex Rodriguez back will be enough to put them over the hump?
Yankee Loving Wife: I really do think it’ll make a difference. If they’ve been able to do what they’ve done so far with guys that were either considered washed up or that no one had ever heard of before, I have to think getting those guys back can only help. The only thing I’m worried about is whether or not they can keep playing well until they get back. It feels like they’ve gotten a bit lucky to start the year with how some of the guys have played. I mean, I’ve heard how you complain about guys like Vernon Wells and Lyle Overbay. We can’t help it that pinstripes are magical.
Wahoo’s on First: Ok, so you mean to tell me that you expect Alex Rodriguez to make a solid contribution to your team despite the fact that he’s old, coming off of hip surgery, and is in a constant state of regression? What are you smoking and where in this house are you hiding it?
Yankee Loving Wife: Hey, now you’re putting words in my mouth! I never said A-Rod was going to put up super-star numbers. I don’t even like A-Rod. He’s way too fake for my tastes. Now, Derek Jeter on the other hand… Wait, what was the question? Oh yeah, Rodriguez isn’t going to put up huge numbers, but he should still be a threat to hit a few homers and drive in runs out of a spot in the middle of the lineup. It really all just depends on what kind of shape he is in, which worries me. It’s kind of hard to run and stay in shape when you’re coming off of a major hip surgery.I’m a little worried about A-Rod looking like A-Lard.
Wahoo’s on First: Ok, C.C. Sabathia has had his struggles this year, especially with his velocity. Are you worried he’s starting to regress a bit?
Yankee Loving Wife: No, not at all. Sabathia is a beast. After the start he just had, why should I worry? It’s not like he’s so old that they should put him out to pasture or give him the Old Yeller treatment. Plus, I like Sabathia, so he’s not allowed to suck. Those are the rules.
Wahoo’s on First: Ok, what about Travis Hafner? When I told you the Yankees had signed him, I believe your reaction, and correct me if I’m wrong, was “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! WHY!?!? OH GOD!?!?! WHY!?!?!”
Yankee Loving Wife: Ha ha ha. Yeah, that was the reaction. I had spent the past like three years listening to you complain nonstop about him so I just assumed it was going to be a horrible signing and had surrendered to the idea that you were going to finally have something to make fun of me about when it came to the Yankees. You know, because they’re so awesome and impossible to make fun of. But! Hafner has actually been good for us. Which makes sense, because you know, pin stripes are magical. Since he’s been a solid contributor I can’t help but feel like it was actually a good signing. And besides, at least he’s not Johnny Damon. Anything is better than Johnny Damon… I hate Johnny Damon.
Wahoo’s On First: What about Mariano Rivera? He’s retiring at the end of the season. Do you think he should try to come back again next year? After all, he’s been great this season.
Yankee Loving Wife: Rivera retiring makes me so sad. He’s so good! I think he should come back again next year. While I get he’s been pitching forever and probably wants to do something else with his life besides dominate everyone, I don’t see how he can just walk away. It seems like he’s getting better with age. I’ll miss him and the sense of security he gives me in the ninth inning, but yeah, I really wish he would reconsider this whole retirement thing. I’m not a fan of the idea.
Wahoo’s on First:Ok, last question and then we can get back to living a semi-normal existence together. How do you see this weekend playing out?
Yankee Loving Wife: Well, obviously I want to say the Yankees will sweep the Indians, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings so I’ll say the Yankees take two out of the three. The Indians will win the first game with Justin Masterson and then the Yankees will win the next two. Oh, and Sabathia will dominate you guys on Wednesday, just as a heads up. I don’t want you to be surprised when he makes the Indians look like fools at the plate.
Wahoo’s on First: Um, thanks… I think.
Yankee Loving Wife: I love you!