Series Preview: Cleveland Indians @ Detroit Tigers

Pitching Matchups

• Ubaldo Jimenez vs. Justin Verlander

Joy R. Absalon-USA TODAY Sports

Where one is a hard-throwing former MVP and the other quickly going from disastrous trade to a reclamation project, this is a matchup we’d hoped back in 2011 to be the face off of two aces. Even still, you never quite know which one you’ll get from either. Will it be Bad Baldo. with nine walks in four innings, or Good Baldo, striking out nine on his way to seven shutout innings? We don’t know, and perhaps that’s the good thing. If it’s taught me one thing, I need to lay off the saturated fats, so as to keep my heart healthy. Watching him counts as a workout, trust me. I’ve already touched on Verlander, and I still don’t appreciate his lackadaisical attitude when it comes to facial hair. the man must pick something – just because he is in Detroit, away from the bright lights of the coasts, doesn’t mean he can just go about town with that mess on his face. I can get away with shaving because I’m a step above the unwashed masses, but you sir, you’re a knight of Detroit. Act like one. And stop striking out everyone, it makes it hard for the Indians to win.

• Justin Masterson vs. Rick Porcello

I tried to find a way to create a nickname for Masterson using Jamaican Patois, but it’s tough. Too many hard consonants in his name. If I had to pick this game, I’d go with the man with the broader shoulders, and I’m sorry Rick, but you lose. Do I expect to see a close game? Not at all, thus it will be a close game and both starters will be chased by the sixth. Or else it will be Porcello who makes the case for ace, because the universe, in its infinite wisdom or whatever you want to call its screwing me over time and again, will make it happen. Perhaps the sun will shine on the ball in such a way that Prince picks it up earlier and mashes it, or a swirl of wind turns a Santana home run into a fly ball to shallow right, who knows. I detest games where one pitcher is the best on the staff and the other the odd man not quite left out, it always bites you in the bum. So to Hades with this game.

• Scott Kazmir vs. Anibal Sanchez

Does anyone have a more musical name than Anibal Sanchez? Regardless of how harsh a person you are or how many stomas you have in your neck, you can sound like the master of a great Hacienda in the California territories, often complaining about that dastardly Zorro character. Meanwhile, Scott Kazmir has the opposite effect. You have to wonder the impact this will have on the game as a whole – probably none. If I had to choose which broadcast to watch, I’d pick the Tigers simply because Rod Allen has the better voice. If there’s one thing we can expect from this game, it’s strikeouts – mountains of them. Perhaps homers too, if a ball finds too much plate.

Final half-a-thought

It will be a fine series, to be sure. Is it measuring stick time? Well, with the Tribesmen sitting two and a half games back of the Tigers, there comes a time when you have to stop treading water and seize control or submit to your overlord. I’m not ready to let a team that can’t even decide what it is take control of the Central, so I’d rather enjoy a series win. But we’ll see.