The David Strategy

We Must Have All the Davids!

It is good to know that the Indians have crafted a well-honed strategy for this offseason, one no doubt designed to win the World Series in 2014: corner the market on guys named David.

After signing free agents David Murphy and David Cooper, it seems inevitable that the Indians fill the opening in the rotation with David Price and upgrade their weakest offensive position by getting David Wright to play third base. We could certainly move some guys around and make room at DH for David Ortiz. David Murphy could be joined in the outfield by David Lough and David Dejesus. David Freese could slide over to second base if needed, or perhaps there will be an opportunity there for Lonnie David Chisenhall since third base will be taken.

Sep 16, 2013; St. Petersburg, FL, USA; Texas Rangers left fielder David Murphy (7) works out prior to the game against the Tampa Bay Rays at Tropicana Field. Mandatory Credit: Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

There was not a legitimate shortstop option on an active roster, but I discovered that the legendary David Eckstein is only 38 years old, so there is every reason to be confident that he can step in and contribute. We can look forward to the National Anthem being performed before every home game by David Lee Roth. There is an additional benefit to this arrangement in that the controversial Chief Wahoo logo can be replaced by the Star of David.

Had I known that the Indians intended to pursue this sort of strategy, I would have suggested that they concentrate on guys named Miguel or Clayton, but if Chris Antonetti feels this is the way to go, we will trust him. It is somewhat of a concern, though, that he has apparently decided not to pursue pitchers named Brett or Ricky or Bronson who may have been more readily available. Perhaps he is still banking on the vast potential of David Huff finally being realized.

OK, enough silliness. But I’ve spent a good bit of the past week fretting. Not relative to the time I’ve spent sleeping or shopping or watching football, but more than I normally do. I find myself checking the transactions for new moves every couple of hours, and every time a team, especially a team in the Central Division, makes an acquisition it feels like another guy the Indians lost out on.Now we can cross Brett Anderson off the list of possibilities.

Sooner or later it seems like there will be no players left, and the Indians will be forced to play with eighteen or nineteen guys next year, because every other player on earth will be gone. It’s like going through the line at a buffet. There’s five people between you and the shrimp, and you’re keeping track of how much each person is taking and it just doesn’t look like there will be any shrimp left by the time you get there. I hate when that happens.

In any event, throughout their history the Indians have managed every year to field a complete roster, so this year should be no different. Besides, we really shouldn’t concern ourselves with where Willie Blomquist ends up. And if the Twins want to give Phil Hughes a three-year deal and the Tigers want to trade Doug Fister for spare parts, the Indians may best help their own chances by just sitting back and watching.

But that won’t stop me from fretting.