Slider, the Beloved Mascot, Will be Phased Out by 2015
It’s a sad day if you are a fan of the Cleveland Indians and their precious mascot, Slider.
After weighing the issues and assessing all available market research, the Indians have decided that now is the time to shift away from the giant magenta… bird? freak? muppet? Beginning this season, we will begin to see less of Slider around the ballpark and by the start of the 2015 season, any and all remnants of his existence will be struck from the record.
On the decision, Indians president Mark Shapiro had the following to say:
“After thorough research we reached a decision that we believe is best for the Cleveland Indians. We understand the issues with Slider and the public debate that has surrounded him since he first took the field. We’ve heard the outcry from across the country and agree that Slider is a poor representation of comedians everywhere. His slap stick style of humor takes little to no effort and is a lazy approach to comedy in general. Anyone can throw a pie or swing in on a zip line, land on the dugout, and shake what their mama gave them. For that reason, we will begin phasing out Slider starting this season and will eliminate him from all media, images, and around the ball park by 2015. We realize this is a decision that should have been made years ago and would like to apologize to the comedy world for our reluctance to make a change. We hope that we can all move forward in a positive direction and put this chapter behind us.”
When reached for comment, Jerry Seinfeld, President of Comedians Against Slider, seemed excited by the news:
“The is a great day for comedy and comedians everywhere. Our tireless work to end the misrepresentation of comedians by the Cleveland Indians has finally come to fruition. We are pleased with this decision. We look forward to tackling our next goal, the Phillie Phanatic. What’s the deal with that?”
In addition to comedians, Slider had also been a target for the Muppets. If you recall, in a recent interview with Rolling Stone Magazine for their upcoming movie, Muppets Most Wanted, Kermit the Frog seemed none to pleased with Soldier’s antics:
“Slider? Yeah, f*** that guy. He thinks he’s a Muppet? He ain’t no Muppet. He’s more of a snitch than anything else. And you know what they say, “Snitches get stitches.””
What do you think of this monumental decision for the Cleveland Indians? Was it the right thing to do? What do you think of the continued use of mascots to exploit both comedy and Muppets? Is it all in good fun, or is wildly inappropriate? You can let us know below in the comments.
And as always, go Tribe! Happy April Fool’s day.